The New School

we went on a tour of the new school. i honestly can say while i am not happy about having to move from our comfy, cozy school home, i am happy with the school. don't get me wrong, i don't like the location. the neighborhood is crowed and parking will be a problem. the distance and direction isn't something i am a fan of either, but the building it self is nice.

at first it was intimidating. it's huge and very sterile. it doesn't say "i'm a warm and friendly place for your child to be nurtured and welcomes." in fact, i was thinking it was more like "becareful little one, we'll try to keep you safe by having you walk through a metal detector every day." or "get used to it kid, it's better than county"

i know that probaby sounds awful, but i didn't have much to go on.

The gym is huge. The whole school can comfortably fit.

The music room can also fit the whole school and there are acoustical ceilings.

The primary grades have bathrooms in the classrooms, the other classrooms are a good size and will be fitted with smart boards. The 2 schools will be kept separate and run on different operating schedules.

And we have a mother goose. Since the roof is "green" a momma goose has decided to take up residence and raise her babies. How sweet!

It's definately not what we signed up for, but change can be good and there is no sense in going into something with a closed mind unless I want to get closed results.

Here we come Albany Park. Make way for Edison!

say it isn't so

i thought i could keep up with being a blogger, but as it turns out, I am not so good at it.
I haven't posted in a month. it's been since mothers day and it's not that I don't have anything to say. So what is it? The over whelming tiredness and exhaustion I experience? The thinking, preparing, making and cleaning up of meals that seems to happen frequently? the never ending pile of laundry that never seems to get done? the clean clothes the dryer continues to spit out that don't seem to get folded or put away? the early morning runs and the late nights getting ready for the next day? the kids and activities and quality time and baths and books and laughs and life? there are not enough hours in a day so when something has to give. this is one of the first to go. i wish i was better, but since i am trying to let go of the whole perfectionism thing, i will make this one of the items i think is a step closer to letting it go and allow myself to be at peace with the fact i am a bad blogger.
so enjoy the faces and the one sentence memories. i know i will and smile all the way :o)

i 've miss a few

so i've missed a few. ok, a lot of posts. it's not that i haven't been thinking of it, it's that i haven't had the time.

running has been kicking my butt.

there, i said it.

i am tired. (why is admiting that so painful? It's not like I don't like sleep, I relish in it every night. A nap is a proud moment. I guess I wish there was more time in the day.)

i've been running all the required times and lengths, but at the end of the night, i am pooped. the few times i have turned on the computer, i have fallen asleep in front of it.

i recently heard of a book called the supermom phenonemon, and i swear i am a perfect canidate. i try to do and be everything i can be. that sounds so corney, but it's so true. i should have joined the army. (ok, here i go again) if i were to join a division of the service, it would probably be the marines... (ok there, see, again) why can't the first thing or one less or two below or whatever, just not the best, most perfect thing be ok?

I have this un-ending strive for perfection that I can't shake. it's to the point of failure though b/c I am paralyzed by the lack of perfection i can achieve.

paralysation by anyalization (that's a friend's quote, so, so true)

i seem to do nothing when i know i can't do it all. big sigh. but the good news is I am working on it. I have recognized the problem. I'm sure that's the first step of some group or program.

Hi, my name is Nicole and I am a perfectionist. I admit to not blogging even little stories about me, the kids or our lives b/c I can't blog them all.

Ok, now that that is all out in the open, I can move on.

Expect a lot of posts from me today. All about catch up.

(I will admit to being a work in progress, again, admiting is a step, hopefully it is half the battle.)

The Day Before

today is the day, now night, before payton's 5th birthday party. he is having a star wars theme this year. at first he wanted a star wars, pokeman and power rangers theme combo, but we talked him out of it. so now, the night before, we have all the party preps ready for action. i did all my due diligence and looked on ALL the birthday party web sites on the net. planned, shopped at like 16 different stores to make sure i had every ingredient for dark side vs. light side necessities. we will have the yoda soda and darth malt to drink. jedi mix and darth mix to snack on, light sabers to battle with, an asteroid game, a battle scene cake and even a jumpy for jedi training. yet somehow after all the stores, purchases, baking and prep work, i feel like i didn't do enough. like somehow, my famous five year old star wars birthday isn't going to live up to the "famous five year old star wars birthday" protocol. which is posted where? i didn't quite find some elite standard i had to attain when i was searching for the themed goods. no one said, "you will be a failure as a mom" or a "party planner" or a "jedi" if you do or don't do it this way... i always have these perfectionist tendencies that haunt me. i go on this auto pilot ride called "this is your standard", "this is what you must achieve" and don't want to get off...

well, i'm off, i've exited the ride, for this party at least.

when i was making the cake tonight i was so excited, ready to cut that rice krispie treat full of chocolate frosting at just the right angle so the lava could flow out of the volcano that anikin and some other dude would be battling on shortly. well, oops, just as i was about to be so proud, the side of the volcano fell off. then the side of the cake did the same. as i watched the cake slowly crumble onto the side of the tinfoil wrapped cardboard i somehow equated it to my pride in being the best starwars throwing party, the best mom of payton, the best cake maker... it was like i watched myself fall apart as i watch the cake crumble. but you know what, when i went to tell payton about it as reagan licked all the pink (and i couldn't quite make red frosting since i ran out of food coloring) off the spoon, i saw he was sleeping. peacefully. and i think knowing he went to bed probably thinking "wow, i have the best mom in the world. she is doing ALL this for me" made it all ok. so here i am, ready to face the 5 year old critics tomorrow with a half collapsed cake, knowing the next strive in the quest for perfectionism is just around the corner. and hey, even though i know it is me to do it, i know i will still be loved if i don't. i just have to remember that!

before the crumble

after the crumble