say it isn't so

i thought i could keep up with being a blogger, but as it turns out, I am not so good at it.
I haven't posted in a month. it's been since mothers day and it's not that I don't have anything to say. So what is it? The over whelming tiredness and exhaustion I experience? The thinking, preparing, making and cleaning up of meals that seems to happen frequently? the never ending pile of laundry that never seems to get done? the clean clothes the dryer continues to spit out that don't seem to get folded or put away? the early morning runs and the late nights getting ready for the next day? the kids and activities and quality time and baths and books and laughs and life? there are not enough hours in a day so when something has to give. this is one of the first to go. i wish i was better, but since i am trying to let go of the whole perfectionism thing, i will make this one of the items i think is a step closer to letting it go and allow myself to be at peace with the fact i am a bad blogger.
so enjoy the faces and the one sentence memories. i know i will and smile all the way :o)

i 've miss a few

so i've missed a few. ok, a lot of posts. it's not that i haven't been thinking of it, it's that i haven't had the time.

running has been kicking my butt.

there, i said it.

i am tired. (why is admiting that so painful? It's not like I don't like sleep, I relish in it every night. A nap is a proud moment. I guess I wish there was more time in the day.)

i've been running all the required times and lengths, but at the end of the night, i am pooped. the few times i have turned on the computer, i have fallen asleep in front of it.

i recently heard of a book called the supermom phenonemon, and i swear i am a perfect canidate. i try to do and be everything i can be. that sounds so corney, but it's so true. i should have joined the army. (ok, here i go again) if i were to join a division of the service, it would probably be the marines... (ok there, see, again) why can't the first thing or one less or two below or whatever, just not the best, most perfect thing be ok?

I have this un-ending strive for perfection that I can't shake. it's to the point of failure though b/c I am paralyzed by the lack of perfection i can achieve.

paralysation by anyalization (that's a friend's quote, so, so true)

i seem to do nothing when i know i can't do it all. big sigh. but the good news is I am working on it. I have recognized the problem. I'm sure that's the first step of some group or program.

Hi, my name is Nicole and I am a perfectionist. I admit to not blogging even little stories about me, the kids or our lives b/c I can't blog them all.

Ok, now that that is all out in the open, I can move on.

Expect a lot of posts from me today. All about catch up.

(I will admit to being a work in progress, again, admiting is a step, hopefully it is half the battle.)

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I’m just a decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I’m just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the tree with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir’s cantata but do not focus on my love for Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child. Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband. Love is kind, though harried and tired. Love doesn’t envy another’s home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way. Love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of love will endure.