A Kept Woman

I Am a 'Kept' Woman
You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)
There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)
At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut. (Psa. 13)
Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)
When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)
I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me!

I'm 'Kept' by the Love and Grace of God!

just breath

field trip to native american museum
sata arrives the mall (on a Harley, his sleigh broke down!)

never to busy for a shot with Hannah

another failed attempt at a christmas card

" so santa, here's what i was thinking..."

this has been such a busy weekend and it's only sat night! don't get me wrong, i love, no cherish, my weekends, but sometimes the running can get you down. from early morning runs to jewel for lunch items (why plan when you can get up early and make your morning crazy?) to field trips, dentist appts for five to dinner to cleaning to the store to santa to a shoebox wrapping party to a birthday party, and that's just through sat. see why i am a bit in need of a breather? ha, but wait, don't forget the late french report and the edible cell due tues (if the test is passed from friday) and the science project and the drumming performance and the birthday party, for twins (yep, a different one than yesterday, ha). throw a little grocery shopping and spending time with the dog and oh, make sure youare ready to miss some work next week so you can get to all the doctors in the world before the first of the year and then don't forget to get ready to teach 30 kids to play dodgeball on wed night and then you get to make 100 tamales for next sunday :0) but would i have it ANY other way, ah, no, of course not. i do really need to wonder why my dog is ill behaved and the oldest forgets his homework and the little one has anxiety and the baby doesn't want me to brush the knots out of her hair. but we didn't have cavities, and we did read a large stack of books this weekend, got nosy kisses, saw santa, at cake, prayed to jesus and spent time with friends.

sometimes i think i need to slow down, maybe if i have a run a long like this to read it will help to put things into perspective and get me to slow down. i'm not sure that's what i want, but it might be what i need. maybe that's what i am afraid of, slowing down. then i would be able to hear the voice of the Lord speak to me and i would have to listen. could that be my fear? having to fully surrender to Him? I really need to spend time in his word every day. it's my (and I'm sure there are many) major problems in my walk with Him. I pray that he would allow me to have the will and ambition to give Him my first moments in the am to clearly see his will for my life laid out. this is my prayer and i am sticking to it.

a Bandit in our lives

it's been over a week now and Bandit Buttersworth Dalessandro is officially part of our family. Or should I say pack, since we are now an official pack since there is a dog involved :0)

Last Tuesday, it was my first day back to work after our trip to Michigan and I was having a little case of vacation longing. I wasn't to thrilled about getting back to the office, but I knew the day would go by fast since I would be playing 3 days of catch up.

So as I am working away, about to get up for lunch, I receive a call from Jim. He says, "So I was telling the kids how they will never be able to get a dog if they don't keep their toys put away and that the dog would eat them so they have to get better at cleaning up. So we cleaned up the house and were about to walk over to Jewel for a few things." (Remember, we were on vacation for 5 days) "So we walk outside and get about 3 houses down and there is this dog sniffing around Jim (Shiloh's dad's) house. He has no leash, no tags and there are no people around. We knocked on every door and no one knows who he is. But he is a good looking dog. Clean, puppy like. Very friendly. Jim gave us a leash, so I guess we are not going to Jewel right now."

I can tell you when I heard that from Jim, I was so excited. How wonderful that Jim is concerned about this dog and he wants to find his home! I would appreciate that so much if someone took my dog under it's wing and made sure he got home. At the time, I was in no way thinking that this dog was homeless and it could even be my dog. We were only "talking" about getting a dog... no decisions had been made. Only lofty discussions about what if and when and maybe we could...

As the day went on, it became more evident to me that is dog didn't have a home, but I knew once I got home we would bring him to the vet to see if he was chipped. Lo and behold he wasn't and the cute little guy just seemed to weave himselve into our lives. He was good inside the house, appeared to be house broken and had such a calm demeanor. He ended up spending the first night in the house. He slept in the front room the whole night and hasn't left since.

I tthink this was a little divine intervention and a pleasent gift from God. It shows me that He always knows what we need and will provide for us no matter what.

This dog found us and I am so pleased to be called his owner.

Bandit has proven that he needs training, but he is a calm presence that has brought more love, laughter and joy to our lives and is teaching our family to become a bit more laid back and have more fun with each other.

Thank you for this gift.

pre race night

i guess you can call me the snapping turtle of the family for the past few days. i can't explain it and i can't wait to shake it, but i have been on a high irritation level all week. i feel so guilty looking back over the past week and thinking about how I have treated the kids and even jim at times. i have been impatient and quite self centered. i wish i could say it's because of the race tomorrow or because of work, but it's not enough of any of those things to make me blame it. i know the hormone tide is in, so maybe it has something to do with that, but it still doesn't excuse me for my mouth. i have been so short tempered mostly with the kids and they don't deserve that.
i read earlier that there are no headphones allowed on the course tomorrow and at first i went into a mini panic... oh no! what am i going to do if i can't drown out my own thoughts for 2 hours? Then after the initial shock wore off (ok, so it was a day) i have decided (and praying about it has helped) (kind of like God saying ok nik, now really, tell me again why this is such a bad thing? have you really been spending any quality time with me lately?) that the run with out the headphones is perfect. it is the best time for me to spend alone with the lord and reflect on the week i have had and give it all to him. again, even when i don't want to follow and i am stubborn and stray, God's perfect will is right there to gently lead me and correct me in the right direction.

Bah, bah, bah. (like a sheep... gone astray...)

now it's off to bed to sleep for a few hours before it's game time! update to come on the race experience.

Thoughtful Thursdays

So since I don't regularly post and I am oh so trying to get better at it, i thought if i made a theme to at least one or two of the days during the week it would encourage me to post more often. I think I will start with... Thoughtful Thursdays. This is actually perfect since my hubby is out on Thursdays and after the kids are in bed, I have a chance to siit down and be quiet within my own thoughts. Plus, unless I am SUPER tired from getting up at 5:30 to run, I can stay up late b/c i don't have to run in the morning. (whoo hoo... shhh)

So thoughts... to start, I read this e-mail from my mom today and it was really thought provoking. I wanted to sit at the computer and think about it for a while, but I needed to get back to work.
Maybe it's a little long, and maybe it's one of those cheezy e-mails people forward around, but maybe, it will make us pause for a moment and think, maybe...

Maybe ... we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Maybe ... When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us;
maybe ... it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.
Maybe .. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Maybe ... the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures, and heartaches.
Maybe ...You should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.
Maybe ... There are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child, your girlfriend/boyfriend -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.
Maybe ...The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
Maybe .. You should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person too.
Maybe ..You should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.
Maybe ... Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.
Maybe ... Happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.
Maybe ... You shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one who makes your heart smile.
Maybe ... You should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.
Maybe ... You should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling, but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Maybe ... you could send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life, to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it, to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them and their friendship.


OK, so, like I said... maybe, it's a little cheezy, and I totally don't agree with some of the things said, but I do agree with the concept, of maybe, we could take the time to care about people, to share the love of God and to give out the hope that we have been blessed with.

I love Chicago

Yesterday reminded me why I love Chicago. It was the first day since mid February where we have had anything worthy of being called nice weather. It was almost 70 degrees yesterday with a slight breezy and sunny. It was perfect, spectacular, paradise, wonderful. It was the kind of day that you just have to smile about because the breeze that blows by you turns up the corners of your lips. People couldn't have been in a bad mood yesterday if they tried.
I went to the marathon clinic at Moody in the morning and settled all of my fears and doubts about the whole thing. I'm in. The road is long and hard but I plan to work hard and be strong. I need to know what the experience will be like. This is the next physical, emotional and spiritual step I need to take in my life. Running for clean water is going to do that. I have joined Team World Vision and all the fundraising money I earn is going to support programs that bring clean water to South Africa. To think that if I lived in Africa, one of my babies could die from something as treatable as diareaha. It is heart wrenching and wrong and if we can do something, anything to help fix this problem, we need to. There is a pandemic in our world called Poverty and if we all focused on the methods to help these people get to the point where they can sustain, the world can be changed.
So, I know why I'm running now and I will need to think about that, focus on that and obsess on that reason every time I feel like I want to stop when I shouldn't or not go when I should.
After the clinic, I went over to Fleet Feet and got fitted for new shoes. YEAH! New cushioning! I felt great and decided to go for a run on the lake. I ran about 5 mi. and enjoyed the blue, aquamarine, turquoise colors of the lake. I did take it easy and did a run walk combo after being sick all week, but it felt sooo wonderful to get back out there.
I ran the way back by the zoo and stopped in the conservatory to see the spring flower show. I kicked myself a few times, every time I realized I wished I brought my camera, but it was kind of nice (for a few min.) to soak in the sights without thinking of how I was going to shoot it.
One image that has stuck in my head is the Bleeding Heart flower I saw on my way out. That was the flower my grandma and I like the best. She kept them in her garden and it brings back a rush of memories when I see the flower of being a child with her. I miss you Gram.
I plan to get the kids on the gardening path today after baseball practice and make the newspaper seed pots with some shade plants for the front of the house.

YEAH!! IT's FINALLY, RALLY SPRING! WHOOO HOO!!!

I'm Back, again

UGH! Can I say that the flu could quite possibly be the definition of insanity! It is suck the life and suck the energy and suck the creativity out of you sickness. I think the effects of it double for every person that has the flu in your immediate family too. So pick your poison, lack of feeling well leads to a very irritable mommy, on top of having to work though it all, two jobs, mind you, mommy job and office job that pays the mortgage, messy house, sick hubby, no motivation to be creative, no motivation for cleaning or laundry or cooking, no energy to work out... NOTHING! You can't even take pleasure of laying around because it feels like someone is peeling your skin away from your body and blowing cold air on you.
I guess that clears up the reason I had lead legs on Sat.'s run. By Sunday I was down. Fast and hard! Fine one moment, tingling and chilled and burning up the next. If it were just me I could almost take it in stride and make friends with the couch and the bottle of NyQuil, but not when the kids are suffering. To see their limp little bodies pathetically sprawled all over the furniture and the exhausted and weary look in their eyes every time they had to move was enough to make me want to have the flu 10 more times than to see them suffer through the pain. They didn't want to eat or drink for almost 2 days. They have all started to come around, but this was a week from the dark side. .Disinfectant wipes have been a life saver.
I was so craft deprived this week, I brought home my notebook from work and glued a blue ribbon around the top to brighten my spirits. I'm such a nerd, but it's amazing how a little swatch of fabric or paper can brighten the mood.
Tomorrow is the marathon 101 clinic down at Moody. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I have been praying about this decision for some time now and tomorrow I am really hoping a lot of my questions are going to be answered and that God really speaks to me with the decision he wants me to make. Tomorrow will be a busy day and I already know I have to thank Grandma. Both boys have baseball practice, Rea has dance and I will be gone all morning. Whew! By the time we get to the Legacy dinner at night, it's going to be one L-O-N-G day.
Colorado, Take me away!

A quick shout

I'm greened out. I have had enough of the green things this year. easter is going to be all pinks, blues purples and yellows. no green. one more night, i can make it. awana tonight is a st. patricks day theme so it will be the last day wearing it, seeing it, eating it. it's time to move on...

yesterday we found out that frankie died. they said he went to sleep and didn't wake up. hmmm. with out divuldging to many private details, it appears it was more than that due to the people and the age group of friends he chose to associate with. I feel really bad for Grandma Jean. She loved him and it is breaking her heart to have to bury a child. it is something no mother should have to do because even when you are 58 years old, you are still someone's baby.

i'll like you forever, i'll love you for always, as long as i'm living, my baby you'll be.

the kids and I have been singing that song over the past week. reagan brought it up and told me that if i die, she will still love me. how sweet.
I told her I wasn't planning on going just yet, but my life is in God's hands and I kind of have to follow the path in front of my feet.
last night we had a great cry on the bed. 4 people and a lot of tissues later (jim was out) we turned it into a really positive discussion about choices. how everyone has them and how they are either good or bad. about how the consequences from choices are given and most of the time they are determined by the choice. it really gave Jimmy and I a chance to talk about honesty and love and drugs and family. it's sad about frankie, I hope my babies can take something from this experience that they can use as they live their lives.

I found this the other day and it seems overly appropriate now.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument.Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone.It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God.He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'.You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.Don't save it for a special occasion.Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words:"In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone, everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31.. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36 Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life.Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield..
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

"May the Lord's face radiate with joy because of you"

(oh darn, I just remembered, I am SOOO glad the tooth fairy is a man, at least he can take the blame for this one)

My Hero

This past Sunday marked the last chemo treatment my little friend Amanda had to endure. What a strong girl. Amanda was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor in her 9 year old body in the fall of 2006. She has been through surgery, chemo, radiation and the hospital ‘test your patience’ facilities involved with all those things for over a year. She has finally completed her last of 12 chemo treatments and the scans show the caner is gone. Over the past year she has put on weight, her smile came back and her mobility and coordination has increased. She lost her hair and instead of wearing a wig, she is proudly showing off her new peach fuzz. She holds her head high and plays all the games the other kids play, even if it takes her twice as long to complete them. She memorizes her Bible verses and completes her school work. Watching her through this, I realize she has given me the strength to keep going through my daily life.
How can I complain that the bag I am carrying is too heavy? Or the block I have to walk around is too inconvenient? Or the groceries I have to carry are too heavy? What justification do I have for thinking my life could be better when I see the struggles Amanda and her family have persevered through? The testimony of their faith throughout this period in time has been phenomenal. Their faith in the Lord is unshakable. Would mine be as strong? I’d like to say of course, definitely. I would turn to the God I believe in and trust with my heart and my soul. But the doubt inside of me reminds me that I am human and I, in my time of need and desperation, might not turn to the All Powerful One. I pray I never need to know the answer to the question and face the tragic circumstances of this one family, but this is life. We are here to live and as much as we plan and try to control our lives and our days, tomorrow is not a promise. I pray I can make an example of myself by turning to the Lord in my daily struggles and fears and build my endurance to stay strong in the Lord and turn my worries and troubles over to him. But as I grow, I will continue to watch the one little girl who has made such an impact on my life, my family and my community without even knowing it.
Amanda, you are my hero!

heaven's gate

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting prett y on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake
"And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue."
"Hush, child," He said, "they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you."
JUDGE NOT.

the condition of a heart. it's such a loaded statement. we talk of the 'condition of our hearts' in so many ways. our heart as a muscle. our heart as our source of emotion. our heart as our guide. what is the condition of my heart, i wonder? i don't think i have taken the time to get to know my heart. i need to. the bible says the heart is desperately wicked, who can know it? i want to give my heart to god, to help me know it, to guide me through the life he wants it to live. to feel to grow. to give my heartach to him when its to much for me to hold on to. i want a healthy heart, free of judgement. so i will give and try to be patient when i let go.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”~~Nelson Mandela